Finding

For the longest time, I have been searching for home. 

Maybe it’s the adult orphan thing, or perhaps it’s the single woman thing. Could be the existential “this world is not our home / foxes-have-homes” thing. Or a mash-up of all of those. Regardless of the source of the searching, it’s been an underlying restlessness, amplified in some seasons more than others. 

I have found a sense of “my second home” with people. In family, church and work, and with friends. I have found reasons to delight in every place I’ve lived. A massive soetdoring tree in the garden in Pretoria. The aloe-dotted Sunday morning drive to Port Alfred from Grahamstown. Table Mountain in my face and the library around the corner. The echoes of something eternal in the ocean’s calming drone during isolation lockdown in Hout Bay. The Blyde River Valley’s dramatic backdrops. Sunset over vineyards in Stellenbosch. Jonkershoek. The mischievous winking of a million lights at night in Joburg. 

I have loved people, and the places I knew them in. 

But somehow the search never really subsides for long. 

Maybe home is a person yet unmet. 

Maybe it’s a choice yet unmade. 

Maybe it’s a promise yet to be fulfilled. 

But frankly, it’s also a place with walls and windows and a toilet. 

Reluctantly cliched, but home is where the heart is. And it seems like my heart is currently drawn to Cape Town City Bowl. My head probably also has a little to do with it, given insight into the infrastructure capital investment pipeline and resilience wisdom of the people tasked with running the City. So I’ve been looking to re-invest, and it’s taken months to find something that’s not ridiculously over-priced. It’s crazy, actually. 

I had a dreamlist. Some things were negotiable, and others made me say no when I really wanted to give up the search and just say yes. But alas, my heart is too stubborn. She didn’t let me. Also, Holy Spirit. Peace or no peace. The choice still remains yours. Also, the consequences of choice. Ignored that still small voice once. Once is enough. 

I think I may just have found a reasonable nest. I know because the search stopped when I walked through the door. The inner drive to keep looking dissolved. My heart is pretty clear with me on things like that. I have been searching for so long and seeing things that were not quite right, so when the right thing came along one unassuming Monday evening, I simply knew. 

It’s not the full expression of the entire dreamlist, but conviction is what it is. Stop looking, you found it. Now, put a stake in the ground. And let go. 

Be patient and uncompromising in the “not yet”, and swift to act in the “yes”. Hold fast, and hold lightly. 

Maybe our eyes meeting will be like that doorway. A simple finding. A coming home. I hope you have a view. A few, actually. 

Now, to the barrage of paperwork. Living the dream seems to equate to 97% admin. 

Selah.